Confessions of not feeling guilty at Christmas...

Yesterday I read stranger's blog about how her family has changed the way they celebrate Christmas. They have stripped anything and everything secular from it. Her family felt they had lost Jesus in the celebration and that prompted a total re-do for them. Through-out her writings she would (in all capitals) be sure to write that just because they had made a change that she was not judging those who did not. In the end, though, I felt wholly judged and pretty miserable. Why I let a stranger's writings effect me so is beyond me. Thankfully, by last night, I let my husband and friends allow me to see things a bit differently.

What left me feeling like a complete Christian Christmas failure was that we do allow secular traditions to be part of our Christmas celebrations. I grew up celebrating everything but Jesus at Christmas and with half my family being Jewish celebrated Hanukkah too. My past-family traditions are not at all Christ-centered. None are against celebrating Him, just not focused on Him. We had no nativity. We put up a "Hanukkah Bush". Santa brought gifts a plenty. We celebrated being together as a family. We could not wait to get out to my grandparent's house Christmas afternoon. We loved going to my Aunt's for latkes and dredel games (I still love that waxy chocolate in the golden coins!).

As a parent, I wanted to bring some of those traditions into our family. Grant and I agreed that Santa could join our celebration, but on a limited basis. He gets to bring the kids a stocking. In no way does their behavior influence him bringing it. One aspect of Santa that I have never liked is the fact that you have to do something to earn his gifts. Oh wait...do I sense a teaching moment here in comparing how Santa and Jesus give us gifts???

Santa is fun. Santa is fantasy. Santa adds a little bit whimsy to the holiday. But, Santa is not why we are celebrating. He is a guest at our celebration.

Yesterday, I felt like I had failed our children and not honored Jesus with our Christmas celebrations...until our car ride home last night. The kids belted out Christmas songs. I listened carefully as Rudolph was followed by Come Tell It on a Mountain; and Frosty followed Happy Birthday Jesus. Our children fully understand that Christmas is celebrating Jesus.

I was concerned that we had bought too much for our family and perhaps our kids would grow spoiled as a result. Grant asked me to look back a month to just after Thanksgiving. It was then that the kids were clamoring to fill two shoe boxes for children they do no know, but knew enough about to know that they did not have all that they do. They carefully and thoughtfully filled those shoe boxes with toys and the like. As I had stacks of Angel tags on my desk they could not wait to pick just the right one. Their sweet, little hearts were anxious to go shopping for other children. During each of those shopping trips not once did either of them ask for something for themselves. I find that pretty remarkable for a three and five year old!

This week before bed, Grant has been reading the kids the Nativity Store. Each night introduces a character in the story. We have a set that has eight boxes. Each box has one of the characters. Each night the story asks what God wants for Christmas. The last box has a little mirror in it so the kids may see that God wants them for Christmas. It's very sweet. The kids LOVE it! They fully embrace who Jesus was, how and why He was born. (Cate likes to jump ahead to Easter most nights because at five, she already understands that without His death and resurrection, His birth is not as important.)

What I have come to realize is that I want us celebrating Jesus 365 days a year. I want our kids to know Him, to grow in His image and to strive to be like Him all year long. If we boil down celebrating Him to just these few weeks, what is that worth to Him? As mush as I abhor how commercial we have allowed Christmas to become; it would be equally as awful to make it legalistic.

Thank you sweet friends who made me see that I do not need to feel guilty for enjoying secular Christmas music; putting up decorations, allowing Santa to join us for some fun; maybe even spin a dredel; or allowing ourselves to ENJOY the FUN of Christmas while we do worship and praise our Savior.

Merry Christmas, friends! We do celebrate a mighty King, for whom I am thankful beyond words. I pray you find your peace in Him everyday this year as well.

Ode to a Wagon

I test drove a new car today. I felt like I was cheating on my old one. I had no idea I was so emotionally attached to this eleven year old Volvo wagon. But, I realized in the sea of change that has been our life it has been a constant.

You will notice that I normally refer to things as "our". "Our" children. "Our" home. "Our" love. Well, in the case of the Wagon, she is MINE. She is the first car that I actually bought. I secured the financing. I test drove her. I chose her. (Grant helped to find her and certainly helped me make my decision, but being we were just dating, it was really mine to make.) I was so proud of that purchase. Previously, I was a lease-girl. I liked shiny, brand new cars. The Wagon was my first used car purchase and she was just perfect for me...and ultimately our family to come.

I drove the wagon to my wedding ceremony. Grant drove Cate and me home from the hospital when she was born. Grant drove the wagon for a while so we could save money. That wagon was parked at my first house on Kenneth Street, it survived living in Springfield, made the move to San Marco...Monroeville...and Montgomery. But, now, it won't be traveling with us anymore. The Wagon will not be going to Nashville.

That. Makes. Me. Sad.

Sad to the point that I was teary as I spoke with the man at the dealership about her trade-in value. Sad that as I drove off in the soon-to-be "our car" that I was teary. Sad that when I think about not having her with not so great speakers, pealing leather, creeky struts, broken back hatch, slow pick-up and the 148,000 miles that she has on her...I just plain want to cry.

It is her time to go. And, quite frankly, had Ford not completely messed up making Volvo I would be putting some big bucks into getting her back to her glory. But, alas, she is not worth it anymore. But, for the memories that she quite literally carried, I might have been willing to spend the money.

So long my dear Wagon. You have been a blessing to our family, kept us safe and faithfully gotten us to where we needed to go for more than seven years. We will miss you!

Who could have guessed the path we are on?!?

I have wanted to write this blog for the longest time, but had to be patient and let God work out His full plan first. Before I get to our next few steps on this path called life; I feel like I need to back up a bit.

Before I came to know Christ and just hand my life to Him, I felt like I was in control of my every step. Some days, this was freeing as I liked that control. Other days, it was overwhelming because I was out of control. Right about the time I met Grant for the first time, I was in the process of thinking that perhaps how I was leading my life was not so great and maybe, maybe, I should let God have His way. I met Grant in January. He does not remember meeting me. He really feels the Lord had his eyes veiled  because it was not our time to meet yet.

Through-out the next few months I started lurking around God again. Causally going to church with a dear friend (hi Jackie!). Cracking open the Bible every so often. By the time it was all done, I gave up. I told God I was done holding the reins and I wanted Him to take over.

Next thing I know, I meet Grant again. Within a weekend, we both knew that we had found our "ones". On our second day together Grant told me I would always be second. Not exactly what a girl in immediate puppy loves really wants to hear over lunch. But, given it was only behind God, I had no argument!

Most of you know our love story. Grant greatly influenced my growing relationship with Jesus. We married. We had Cate. We got out of Springfield and into San Marco to settle into our little life of suburbia. Then...we got pregnant with Colin. What? I am not ready for another child so soon. Then...we get moved to Monroeville, AL.Huh? But, Jacksonville is my home. Seriously, are we sure God knows what He is doing?!?

Our time in Monroeville was rough! In the end, it was for such good as it allowed us to have a relationship with Grant's mom, sister and nieces that never would have developed had we not lived there. But, there were times when we really questioned why in the world God had put us there. Our home in FL would not sell. We had to short sale it. And, with that, we had to continue renting a home in Monroeville instead of buying one. Only 14 months later we were moved to Montgomery, AL.

I remember the day Grant was called to interview for the job here. It was so stressful dealing with all that he was at his current job. We did not know when he would be let go, but he had already been told that funding for his position would be gone soon. It was so hard to watch as a wife because Grant worked as hard on his last day as he did his first day. Nothing like moving your family from everything it knows just to have uncertainty! But...while our involvement with an actual church was sparse, our relationship with God grew tremendously during that time.

A month or so after being asked to interview, our family called Montgomery home. Montgomery was a breath of fresh air! We had conveniences, Publix, Costco, church choices...things we missed in Monroeville. We felt like just perhaps we could start to put down some solid roots. We prayed for friends. But, life did not feel settled. While Grant's job was an absolute blessing, everything else here felt like it was at arm's length. We made friends, but on a surface level. Our church relationships were far and few between. We could not quite get comfortable here. It was not from lack of trying. I went WAY out of my comfort zone in efforts to make friends for our family. Yet, something kept us rather surface here. We would start looking for a house to buy and felt like the Lord had His hand on us not letting us go further.

We visited Jacksonville for vacation last summer. Like the previous summer, Grant made an effort to see his CSX contact while in town. His purpose was strictly to build a relationship with him as they work together on economic development projects. The first summer I joked that one day Grant would work for CSX. Well, the second summer, Grant making such an effort to see the guy upset me. It really interfered with our plans for the day. But, something (as in the Holy Spirit, apparently) made him feel it was necessary to make an effort to see him. Long story short, by the end of that meeting, Grant was asked to interview for a position when it opened at the end of the year.

When Grant called to tell me I was not thrilled. I was still trying to settle us into Montgomery. Sure, Nashville sounded nice, but I was ready to put down some deep roots. The last thing I wanted to do was relocate! So, for a while after that we let it go. But, then things changed. It's almost like the Lord started dropping the veil from my eyes. I saw Montgomery and Nashville in a different perspective. I was suddenly okay with Grant pursing the potential opportunity.

So...here we are...after five months of interviews, silence from the Lord, uncertainty, and an ever growing dependance on just how much the Lord controls our lives...we are relocating to Nashville, TN! We are thrilled! We have family there. Grant's new job is fantastic and provides for some great opportunities. The schools are awesome. It's just a great place to raise a family! When I blogged a while ago about wanting "more" I did not know the Lord was preparing me for just that. More! He is giving us more in a way I never could have imagined!

We had to move to Alabama for Grant to have an amazing opportunity at a Jacksonville-based company. And, by way of that, get to live among the other side of our family. What an amazing path the Lord has set thus far. I cannot wait to see just what He does once we move. I have stopped trying to think ahead of Him and instead take each day with gratitude and a complete trust that He is in control. Just remind me of that these next few weeks as the many details have to come together to get us moved.

Hangin' in the kitchen...

It's been a while since I've blogged. I have weeks when almost daily I have something to say, and then weeks when I feel very self-reflective and have not a whole lot to say. The Lord is usually at work in me during those days. Lately, He has been convicting me of where my heart's focus is: Him or the world? I have been convicted that, while it's our charge to be like Him, we really need to KNOW Him.  Anyway...this really is aside from the reason I am posting today. But, sometimes, it's nice to share what the Lord is doing in my heart in hopes it may encourage you as well.

With Christmas not too far away, a friend (hi Renee!) asked for some ideas on homemade Christmas gifts. I love homemade Christmas gifts! It's just plain fun for me to hang in the kitchen and make goodies for family and friends. As the kids get older they get to be part of the process and that makes it even more enjoyable. For so many of our family there is really not much we can afford to buy them that they cannot buy for themselves. It seems more personal and loving to use our hands to make something instead of just buying any ol' thing that fits in the budget. When it comes to the Christmas budget, saving where we can is important to us. We would rather put our funds towards children who otherwise may not have a present to open. Let's face it, for the most part, those with whom we normally exchange gifts will be getting gifts from so many other people. We certainly want to honor them at Christmas and show our token of love with a gift, but have decided that it need not be a useless and/or overly expensive item to do so. This is not to say we do not buy gifts, but only if it fits into our budget and we truly believe it would be special to the recipient.

Here are some ideas for kitchen-based homemade gifts. For all of them, I recommend finding a pretty and different looking jar or bottle. I like to wrap gifts in the natural paper boxes from craft stores. They are inexpensive and do not require wrapping paper. I spend a little extra on real ribbon for decorating and pretty card stock for labeling. My friend etched glass last year for gifts. If you can only find plain jars, etching them may be a way to personalize and dress them up a bit.

Vanilla Extract
If you know anyone who enjoys baking, she will tell you that vanilla extract is in just about every recipe. Good extract is expensive. Cheap extract contains a bunch of chemicals. And...don't even get me started on the imitation stuff! Making homemade extract is beyond easy! The hardest part about it is being sure you start it within at least a month before you want to give it away.

12 vanilla beans (Penzye Spices sells affordable vanilla beans.)

1 1.75 L bottle of vodka (do not use expensive stuff here! I like to use a low to mid-priced vodka. But, do not buy the dirt cheap stuff as it's a bit harsh.)

Okay - are you ready for how to make it???

Here we go:
Place the vanilla beans in the vodka bottle and let sit in a dark, cool place for at least 4 weeks. Ta-da - you have just made vanilla extract!

After it has fully steeped, pour the extract in smaller bottles. You can put a vanilla bean in each gift bottle. Or let them dry out and make vanilla sugar with them for an additional gift.

Vanilla Sugar
Using the beans from the vanilla extract, slice the bean in half length-ways. This will expose the little vanilla specs. Nestle the cut vanilla bean into a container of sugar. Let it sit, stirring every so often, for a few days. This sugar is great in coffee and tea. Another variety is orange sugar. Peel large pieces of orange rind into sugar. Do the same with the vanilla sugar and you have another flavorful sugar. In fact, make them both and pair with tea for a great teacher's gift.

Limoncello 
Limoncello is an Italian aperitif. It's sweet and lemony. It's wonderful to sip on after a heavy meal. Be warned though, a little goes a long way! I have made this using Giadia's recipe, so I am going to give it to you the way she has written it. You can also take the same technique and use tangerines or oranges. This is very simple, but also requires a couple of weeks of steeping before it's ready for consumption. I like to deliver this is pretty glass bottles with the hing top. If you wanted to expand the gift, add a couple of simple small sipping glasses.


10 lemons
1 (750-ml) bottle vodka (same as above, do not over-spend on the vodka, but do buy a mid-priced one)
3 1/2 cups water
2 1/2 cups sugar

Using a vegetable peeler, remove the peel from the lemons in long strips (reserve the lemons for another use). Using a small sharp knife, trim away the white pith from the lemon peels; discard the pith. Place the lemon peels in a 2-quart pitcher. Pour the vodka over the peels and cover with plastic wrap. Steep the lemon peels in the vodka for 4 days at room temperature. 

Stir the water and sugar in a large saucepan over medium heat until the sugar dissolves, about 5 minutes. Cool completely. Pour the sugar syrup over the vodka mixture. Cover and let stand at room temperature overnight. Strain the limoncello through a mesh strainer. Discard the peels. Transfer the limoncello to bottles. Seal the bottles and refrigerate until cold, at least 4 hours and up to 1 month. 

Sun-dried Tomatoes in Olive Oil 
These make a pretty presentation, especially if in a clear jar. I am not going to give you amounts here because it really just depends on how much you want to make. Be sure to plan for the fact that each tomato will shrink quite a bit once dried. 


Roma tomatoes, cut in half length-ways (If you prefer a different tomato, cut them in quarters.)
salt and pepper
extra virgin olive oil


Set oven to 300 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or silpat. Toss sliced tomatoes with salt and pepper. Place cut-side down on baking sheet. Place in oven and let bake for 2 - 4 hours. The cooking time will depend upon how juicy the tomatoes are. If you live in a dry, warm place with few insects, you truly could sun dry these. Unfortunately, I live in a place where they would be covered in pests in no time! 


The tomatoes are done once they are shriveled and absent any moisture (like a raisin). Let cool and then place in jar. Cover with olive oil. For a little extra flavor and decoration you can add fresh herbs like rosemary or basil. 


You can also roast garlic and place it in the jar as well. Do NOT put raw garlic in though. Raw garlic can become toxic after sitting in oil for too long.


Flavored Oils
Flavored oils are so simple and can make for a very pretty presentation. The only caution is echoed from above, do not let raw garlic remain in anything you make. Herbs are perfectly safe to remain in oils. 


To make flavored oil heat the oil and place the flavor (herbs, garlic, hot peppers, etc.) into it. Allow is to soak in the warm oil for an hour. I recommend three herb sprigs; four garlic clove; and 1 hot pepper cut in half per each cup of oil. Be sure the oil is merely warm. If it's too hot, you will fry the herbs or garlic and they may become bitter. After an hour, remove the flavor and place the oil in a bottle. If using herbs, put a few sprigs of the fresh herb in the bottle too (hot peppers would be good too). It will give it extra flavor. I prefer to use olive oil when making an herb or garlic oil, but prefer a flavorless oil (like Canola) for pepper oils. If you want ideas for what makes a good flavored oil, cruise through Williams Sonoma or a nicer grocery store and see what is on the shelves.


These oils pair well with a great loaf of homemade (or bakery bought) bread, balsamic vinegar and an herb packet (a mix of dried herbs like basil, oregano, thyme, salt and pepper). Recommend the recipient put a little oil and vinegar in a shallow bowl or plate, sprinkle with the herbs and use it as dip for the bread. 


The final idea I have is my husband's sea salt caramels. I cannot seem to find his recipe. As soon as I do (if he'll even share it!) I'll share it with you. 


I hope these ideas help you to enjoy some time in the kitchen this holiday season, while presenting your family and friends with some thoughtful and yummy gifts! Bon Appetite!

Real Men Do Eat Quiche.

I made a commitment for our family to go meatless for dinner once a week. Per EWG, going meatless just once a week saves on energy and sustainability tremendously. And, given we are trying to reign in our budget, going meatless also makes for a very inexpensive dinner option. Bless my poor husband for patiently going along with all of this. Last week, his after dinner comment was, "that was surprisingly fulfilling...".

Last night, I made a quiche. I am not a huge egg fan...the texture gets the best of me. But, this quiche was so  good I thought I'd share the recipe. I served it with a cup of roasted vegetable soup (see recipe below).

Anywho...here is the quiche recipe (the original came from The Taste of Home Cookbook, but I made changes to better suit our personal tastes):

Cheddar Broccoli Quiche
Serves 4 - 6 adults

Crust (or a store bought one will do fine too or your favorite crust recipe)

1 c. flour
1/4 tsp. salt
1/3 c. shortening (if you have cold bacon fat, use it here - it makes a great savory crust!)
3 Tbs. cold milk

Cut flour and salt with the shortening. Add cold milk until the dough forms into a ball. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 30 minutes. Roll out to fit a 9 inch pie plate. Fit into pie plate. Do NOT prick. Line with double layer of foil. Bake for 5 minutes at 450 degrees. Uncover and let bake another 5 minutes. Let cool slightly before filling.

Reduce Oven to 350 degrees before baking full quiche.

Quiche Filling

2 c. cooked (roasted is great!) chopped broccoli (cauliflower, or other veggies would be good too)
3 eggs
1/2 c. milk
1/2 c. whole mayo (light and reduced fat will break)
1 1/2 c. grated, cheddar and mozzarella cheese, divided
1/8 tsp. nutmeg
1/8 tsp. pepper
1/2 tsp. salt

Evenly place broccoli into baked pie crust. Place eggs, milk, mayo, nutmeg, pepper, salt and 1 cup of cheese into a blender. Blend until smooth. Pour over broccoli and top with remaining cheese.

Bake, uncovered 28 -- 33 minutes, or until knife inserted in the center comes out clean. Be careful not to over or under bake as the texture will not be a as creamy. Let cool 10 minutes before slicing. Enjoy!

Roasted Vegetable Soup 
Serves 2 - 4 adults


2 c. cherry tomatos
1 large tomato, chopped
1/2 c. chopped onion
1/2 c. chopped carrot
1/4 c. chopped celery
2 garlic cloves, smashed
olive oil
salt and pepper
1/4 c. heavy cream
water as needed

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Toss cherry tomatoes with olive oil and salt. Place on sheet pan in a single layer. Roast for 30 minutes. Set aside.

Coat the bottom of a sauce pot in olive oil. Add onions, carrots and celery. Sprinkle with salt. Let sweat for 10 - 15 minutes, until tender and onion translucent. Add garlic and chopped fresh tomato. Allow to simmer for 15 minutes. Add roasted tomatoes (including any pan juices and olive oil). Let simmer for another 10 - 15 minutes, until everything is soft and all juices rendered from the vegetables.

Place everything into a blender (or use an immersion blender). Blend until desired consistency. We prefer it very smooth. Put back into sauce pot. Stir in heavy cream, and water until the desired soup consistency you like. Add salt, pepper and olive oil as needed for taste. Top with a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese. Enjoy!

Grandma was right!

For months now, the Lord has put on me (us) to revise how we spend money. Constantly, folks would talk about the "envelope system" as presented by Dave Ramsey. It seemed cumbersome, limited and, well, I spend money just fine on my own, thank you very much. There was the problem. I spend money just how I please. We have a monthly budget. Thankfully, our bills are paid in full and on time. We joyfully give back where the Lord directs us. But, each month we seem to be squeeking to the next paycheck. It's not because we have nothing left over after our set amounts are paid. In fact, I am often amazed at how much is left over. Yet, some how that pile of money would evaporate quickly. But, no, I don't need any help here. I'll keep spending money the way we always have been. (You know the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over again and expect a different result!)


I would talk to people about this cash system and what does that Dave Ramsey guy have to say and determine it was just not for me. Well, of course, those folks paid off their debt, they sold their car, or stopped getting weekly pedicures, etc. etc. (i.e. excuse, excuse!). And, we are not big-spending-shoppers, so just what were we supposed to cut, Dave?!? (The Lord did sell our car and we were at least faithful to applying that payment towards our monthly credit card debt.)

I prayed the Lord to change how we were handling our finances. As you know from previous posts we prayed over (and continue to do so) our credit card debt. The Lord has been so incredible in helping us to get rid of it to the point that one is paid and closed already!  We were praying, but honestly, my heart had not changed about this whole cash and envelope way of spending money. (Lord, give us a way, but I am not going to listen to the wise counsel that seems to be working for all of these other people!)

Then, my brother-in-law up and gets a job with Dave Ramsey and gives us his first book, Financial Peace.Ugh! Now, I have no excuse but to read the dang thing. And, just like that my heart finally changed! Thank you, Lord!

This week has been week #1 of using cash. While some folks use this system to a very detailed extent - many different envelopes for each line of their budget, we started small. One for groceries and one for "other fun" - eating out, kids play-dates, etc. I went through our bank records to get an estimate of just what we were spending on groceries and then we decided what we are willing to spend on the "other". I also created a one-time "back to school" envelope as I knew we needed one new pair of shoes and I had promised each child a first day of school outfit. So, I took out cash for all of that.

It's only been a week (and I still have to make what I have left in the envelopes last for another week), but I have to tell you...IT WORKS!  Since I have a set amount to spend, I have to make a conscience choice on what is a priority. The grocery store is somewhat easy for me. I meal plan and make a list. I spent more than I thought I would, and realize that we may have to adjust that after the first month. It's not that I am blowing money on groceries (8% of our total budget is low), but we may have underestimated just what things cost right now. A friend also advised an "entertaining" envelope as we often have people over for dinner. We'll see how the month as a whole averages out before making a change.

The most encouraging was the "Back to School" envelope. I hope these examples encourage you as I am not sharing to pat myself on the back. I had a budget set for Colin's new shoes. We found ones he liked (on sale with a 20% off code!). The store was having a huge sale on women's and girl's shoes. Normally, I would have cruised through that section looking for myself and Cate (though we had just tried on her shoes and she clearly is not in need). But, I did not because I knew that spending more there, would mean no new first day clothes for them.

When we went clothes shopping it was easy to stick to my guns about what they could get. I knew what I was able to spend, so Cate had the choice of ONE outfit (shorts/shirt or a dress) as did Colin (the dress not being an option). And, let me tell you, there were some CUTE things all under $10. In all honestly, they have so many clothes thanks to their grandmothers that they did not NEED these new things. It was just a fun way to help them get excited about their first day. So...for the first time in my life I paid cash as Target! It was awesome! I even had a few bucks left over and bought a little something to send to my niece. It was such a cool feeling! I have no doubt that two weeks ago, I would have spent double.

Here is another example: in the "other fun" envelope we intended that money to be used for eating out and any play-date expenses. This week, I had an opportunity to have dinner/drinks with a friend. We also have set plans with a group to go to the baseball game this coming Sunday evening. In all, each would cost about the same amount. Two weeks ago, I would have done both. I would have whipped out the debit card at the friend dinner without a second thought. I had to look at what was left in the envelope and see that we could not do both. I feared I would be resentful about having to make a choice, but I did not at all. In a way, making a sacrifice seems like what we should be doing. After all, I did not make any sacrifice when racking up the credit card bills!

Though, at the time I justified it as needs because it was often on groceries when my husbands salary was cut. But, really, we just did not want to adjust our lifestyle, not adjust just what I was cooking. Nothing was cut from our budget while we put legitimate needs on the credit card. It absolutely stinks to be paying for a loaf of bread three years later!

Week one was liberating! It was not confining at all. It was so much easier to say "no" to the kids when they wanted to eat lunch out because I had this set amount we could spend over the next two weeks. I have had to act as though the money left in our bank account simply does not exist.

I have learned that a debit card still allows me to have a credit card mentality. It's a mentality I have fully embraced for the past 20 years. Up until last week I have been a 100% committed debit card gal. I just pray the Lord will continue to encourage me on this and hold me accountable for what I spend. My husband works very hard to earn this money, the very least I can do is not only honor the Lord, but him in how I spend it.

Plus, it gets me one step closer to being my grandma...if you cannot pay cash for it, don't buy it!

Who needs a campfire?!?

A couple of weeks ago while watching something on Food Network (you could take away my other channels and leave me just this one and I would be just fine) I came across a chef's favorite dessert in the form of a s'mores pie of sorts. I looked at my husband and his eyes were wide and wanting that dessert. So, yesterday, since we had company coming for dinner, I decided to create it. It needed a few components to make it more special than a regular s'more, but too many and it would lose its initial purpose. I needed a good graham cracker crust; a creamy peanut butter layer (the surprise element), rich chocolate and toasted marshmallows. Oh my, what I created was y.u.m.m.y.! I just have to share the recipe so others can enjoy this awesomeness! (Side note, I did not realize that "awesomeness" is a real word, but apparently it is as spell check did not just underline it. Interesting.)

S'mores Peanut Butter Tart

10 inch tart pan (you could also use a spring form pan, but do not recommend a pie plate.)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Crust
1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
6 Tbs melted unsalted butter
3 Tbs sugar

Mix together until well combined and course. Press into pan, coming up the sides.
Bake for 10 minutes. Allow to cool while preparing the peanut butter filling.

Peanut Butter Filling
3/4 cup natural creamy peanut butter (preferably with no added sugar)
1/4 cup condensed milk
1/4 cup heavy cream
1 tsp vanilla extract

Mix until smooth and well blended. Pour onto crust and smooth out to edges. This is easier said than done as the peanut butter filling is pretty thick, so take your time so as to not tear up the crust. Place in oven for 7 minutes. If needed, spread filling out a bit more as it will be much softer once heated.

Turn oven off. And, let tart cool while preparing the chocolate filling. And, if you are already wondering just how much more sweet and fattening this thing can get...just hold on and plan to hit the couch gym a little extra tomorrow.

Chocolate Filling
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips (any chocolate will be good here. I may use milk chocolate next time)
1/4 cup heavy cream
1 Tbs light corn syrup
1 tsp vanilla extract (I also think coffee would be good instead)

Put all but the vanilla extract into a bowl over a pot of hot, but not boiling, water. Stir until all is melted and well-combined. Take off the heat and stir in the vanilla extract. Pour over the peanut butter filling, smoothing to the sides.

Allow to cool for an hour on the counter-top and then in the refrigerator for an hour before topping with marshmallow cream.

Marshmallow Cream (you could use Fluff here, but it will not set up like a real marshmallow and lose some of the "s'more effect")
2 cup sugar
3/4 cup water
2 Tbs plain powdered gelatin
1/2 cup cold water
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/8 cup powdered sugar
1/2 tsp salt

Simmer the sugar and 3/4 cup of water until soft ball stage (135 - 140 degrees). While simmering, put 1/2 cup cold water into the bowl of a stand mixer. Sprinkle powered gelatin over water and gently stir so it dissolves.
Once sugar mixture reaches temperature pour over gelatin mixture and gently stir to combine and dissolve all gelatin. (be warned this will have a funky smell from the gelatin, but it will not taste funky.)

Let cool for 10 minutes. Next, whip on high speed until white and fluffy with stiff peaks (about 7 minutes). Add vanilla extract, powdered sugar and salt. Let mix for a moment to combine.

Spread onto chocolate layer. Do not overly smooth the top but make swirls with the knife so that little peaks form.. Place in refrigerator until 15 minutes before ready to eat it.

***you will have left over marshmallow cream. You can make regular marshmallows with it. Dust a pan with powdered sugar and pour mixture into it. Sprinkle mixture with more powdered sugar. Let cool completely and slice into squares.

To serve: Preheat broiler to low with oven rack about four inches from the top. Remove tart from refrigerator at least 15 minutes before serving. Place in oven and brown the marshmallows for 5 minutes (you may want to keep close watch so they do not burn). Let cool for a moment and slice. This is very rich, so small slices are necessary. Enjoy!

I want more!

I want more! Not more stuff. Not more things to clutter the house, to make me feel pretty, to entertain the kids. I want more of what I can in no way buy. I want more of what only being in the Lord's wheelhouse can get me. I find myself just not sure how to get it.

I am a content person. The Lord has sharpened me to be content in plenty and in need. Prior to this move, we fell into the need category.. The Lord has surely blessed our family since moving us here. We live in a lovely home; have met some wonderful people; my husband has a good job; our finances are stable. We have no outward needs. Yet, I want more.

I found myself mid-workout last week just sitting there on the bench with dumbbell in hand, thinking, "is this it, Lord?". Is this our life moving forward? We are not in need, yet here I sit in a fitness center where I am not completely comfortable. I seemed to do better in the run-down YMCA for some reason. I found myself sitting by the pool with our children looking around and thinking, "I am not like these ladies. Our kids are not like theirs"...and rather thankful for that given what makes us different. (At least on the outward, what you can learn from hearing a mother talk to her young kids kind of way.) I want more relationships than what this offers.

Our kids start preschool next week. I am not 100% thrilled with the program. We have them there because we know it will prepare them for the magnet school test they will  have to take before entering kindergarten. I do not have any confidence in the elementary school up the road, so I want to be sure they get into the magnet school. It is nowhere near our home and will be wholly inconvenient to have them there. I want better education for our children, not some "test and hope you get picked" education. 

We attend a nice church. It is a bit overwhelming for us because it is so large. Here we found you go with the denomination that feels the least like a denomination. Non-denominational churches are few here. We had to allow ourselves to settle knowing we will not find what we really seek in a church here. The teaching at this church, while rarely piercing, has indeed convicted us to make some changes to our lives. Our kids are being well fed there. There are ample mission opportunities. We are serving and tithing. Yet, our real gifts are still hidden because of its size. My heart hurts to know the Lord gave my husband an amazing voice that will more than likely not get used because worship is a production and the cast is already set. We are committed to our Lord no matter our place of worship. It is not a complaint, just a reality that we settled and that just does not seem good enough. I fear we could become lukewarm Christians and not even realize it.

We have been here nearly two years and my husband has not one friend. I have a few but they are slow relationships to build upon. (I am very thankful for those few!) It is difficult to feel like relationships are at an arms length. It is difficult to know that in a few weeks football season will begin and my husband will be stuck with just me to watch the game. We are not from here and we are not in the military so we fall into some odd social zone. I want friends for us.

I miss family being around the corner. We left my family to move to my husband's family initially. Those first few months were tough (tough!) as we all got to know each other. Getting to develop such a relationship with my mother-in-law, and our kids to build a foundation with their grandmother, was worth every tough day. Of course, I miss my side of the family. I sometimes feel like we are wasting time being in a place with no family. Our kids deserve to know their extended family more than the occasional visit and phone calls.

There are things the Lord has put on us that will be our mission no matter where He has us - adopt, pay off our debt, serve Him in any way He asks. We were guns-a-blazin' with adoption and then felt the Lord pause us.We are moving full steam ahead with our debt pay-off. He has blessed that path so far. We are doing what we can to serve Common Ground (it feels like we should be doing more, but until nap time is not needed, I am limited).

Maybe the Lord just wants us to focus on these things and let the rest fall as it may?

But still, I want more. More of what only God can provide.

Channeling my inner "Sandy".

As a housewife my job is to keep our home clean. If you came to our home, I think you would say it looks neat and clean, but the truth is, I have been horribly lazy in the actual cleaning department. I have gotten into the "wipe it down" habit. You know, where you just kind of wipe everything down as you go, sweep every couple of days and keep up with the laundry, but do not bust out the mop and really clean the house.

When I was recovering from surgery, out of necessity, I hired a wonderful college student named Sandy to clean the house. Wow! It was the best $50 spent. She cleaned like I never have! Grant walked in with amazement with how clean the home was after Sandy had been here. I found ways to work our monthly budget to have her come back again. Then the thoughts of, can we stretch things to have her come weekly, or bi-monthly? After all, she is a college student and needs the money. It will not just to help me, but really help her, right? Mind you, I am healed from surgery. I can hold my own in the gym again, so I can certainly hold a mop.

Then, reality hit that with a second preschool tuition being added to our monthly budget, spending money on such a luxury is just not possible. I kind of got a little pouty about it.

Today, after my husband had his quiet time, we talked about his own encouragement from the Lord to remember that we work for Him. Grant may have a boss to whom he is responsible, but his daily tasks are ultimately accountable to the Lord. It was with those words that I realized I had to change my outlook on, of all thing, cleaning our home.

What if I approached keeping this home clean as though I am doing it for the Lord first, and then my husband? In reality, this is Jesus' home. He provides it. He resides here. He allows me to stay home with our children and in turn, has made me responsible for keeping up with it. So, why am I trying to put my responsibility onto someone else? Why am I letting another woman's work please my husband? 

Today, I looked at housecleaning in the way, I assume, Sandy does. She comes and works for a few hours earning money for her hard word. It was not cumbersome. It became rewarding as the house is sparkling. When Grant gets home tonight he will be thrilled. There really is something great about walking into a clean home after a very long week at work.

Today, I cleaned like Sandy. And, it felt great!

Homemade Pop Tarts...well, kind of.

My sister sent me a link to a blog with a challenge to make a homemade Pop Tart. I made them today. I would not say these are Pop Tarts, but I will say they are pretty yummy! I guess in reality a Pop Tart is just a mass-produced little pie. So, if you like little pies, you will enjoy this.

Homemade Pop Tarts

1 1/2 cups flour
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 cup shortening
1/4 cup butter, softened
2 - 3 tbsp. cold water

1 egg, beaten
Jam (I used strawberry jam and peach butter)


Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Combine flour and salt in a large bowl. Add shortening and butter and blend with pastry cutter. Blend until mixture is fairly coarse. Add water, 1 tbsp. at a time, gently mixing dough after each addiction until dough forms a ball.

Place dough on a lightly floured surface and roll into a square/rectangle. To about 1/8 thickness. Cut out long strips about 2 inches wide and 3 inches long. You can also cut out any other shapes with cookie cutters. I made the peach ones round. Repeat until dough runs out.

Take one pie crust rectangle and place 1 tsp. of jam on top (do not over-fill as the filling will come out the sides). Cover with another piece of pie crust and crimp all edges with a fork. Repeat with the rest of dough. Brush with an egg wash and then sprinkled with sugar. (The original recipe does not do this, but instead glazes them when they come out of the oven.) Place Pop-tarts on a baking sheet with parchment paper, and bake for 8-9 minutes, until just barely browned.
 

Let cool on wire wrack and enjoy!

Rap Music Made Me Cry.

For those of you who know me well, you know that rap music, with the exception of a couple songs from the 80's, is just not my thing. My heart may have a changed a bit about it last night, though.

Last night, I witnessed a group of young men perform an original rap song. It you did not have audio you would have assumed it was a typical rap party with kids jumping around and hollering. This was different, though, because they were doing it all in the name of Jesus! I had tears in my eyes. Here were these young men, living in a rather tough part of town where drugs and gang-life are often the safer place for them on the streets; and they have become part of the best gang ever...one lead by Christ!

Can you imagine the impact these young men will have on the other kids in their community?!?! The other kids in the audience could not get enough of their performance. Even this white girl with little beat wanted to get up on that stage with them. It was powerful!

From there, some kids put on dramatic performances; recited original poetry, put on a fashion show of their original designs, sang more songs...all for the praise and glory of their new-found friend, Jesus.

They did this in front of a rather large audience filled with volunteers, neighbors and parents. I have mentioned before that just walking through the doors at Common Ground will find you feeling God's presence...well, last night that feeling was tenfold! It's safe to say the devil was not pleased at all that some of his easy targets have made a choice for Jesus.

Oh, and that annoyance I had earlier this week about folks not stepping up to help with the food needs for the post-program dinner...silly sinner I am. God provided! In fact, He provided so much that there was ample food for people to go back for seconds! How weak my faith becomes when I think it's all about me getting the help.

Ten Bucks and some baked beans.

I am trying not to be annoyed this morning. I am trying very hard to accept that what the Lord puts on my heart is not necessarily what the Lord puts on others hearts. I am trying to figure out why others do not have the heart to provide when it is needed in any way they can. Quite bluntly, I am disappointed that people I know do not have the same heart as I do right now.  know that what I am about to write is going to strike a nerve in some folks. I hope it does to the point of stirring them to action.

I have a heart for people without and I have an even greater heart for people and the organizations they run when they are making a God-changing impact on children. I have a heart for Common Ground Montgomery. There are few out there that do not see the need for change within our youth. A change from a cycle of poverty and racism to one of prosperity and love for all. Yet, often we just comment on it and move on with our daily, self-focused lives. The folks at Common Ground have not just kept going, they have up-rooted rather comfortable, worldly lives to live where God wants them...right in the heart of poverty, violence, drugs and a great need for Jesus.

Not only are they running programs at the Common Ground buildings, they minister nearly 24 hours a day to the kids in their homes by being part of the community. They are not like me...I go and serve and retreat to my comfortable surroundings within my safe neighborhood. Our family has not felt the calling to live in that community, but we can certainly do all that we can to support those who are there.

God is so present at Common Ground! When you meet a person who works or volunteers there you just feel Him. When you walk through the front doors you know He is there. He is working over there! Kids are learning about Christ and what it means to walk in His ways, not the tough street's ways where they live. Young ladies are learning that to be pure is honorable in His eyes. Youth are learning that learning and working to earn their way is how He wants them to live. Jesus is working through the staff and volunteers to turn one child at a time towards Him and away from poverty and the world's evils that lurk on those streets.

Because the staff lives there and is part of the community, that impact is going beyond the children into whole families.

So, why am I so annoyed? I am annoyed because tomorrow night Common Ground is hosting an end of summer camp program. The program is an opportunity for the campers to show their parents and neighbors what they learned this summer. It is a chance for the community to enjoy some fellowship and feel God...just by being there. It is an opportunity for children who are not part of the program to learn more and sign up for the fall programs. I have taken on coordinating the food for tomorrow night. It's a simple but welcoming meal that will hopefully put everyone at ease and allow them to enjoy the evening.

Thankfully, another Common Ground volunteer has been quite successful in getting others to donate either food or money. I, on the other hand,am striking out. A couple of friends have stepped up to generously provide. But out of a rather lengthy list, and two Facebook requests, three friends offering support is pretty lame.

So, this is why I am so annoyed. I know these people,  be it not all of them very well. The ones I know the best are the very ones providing. But, I know the others well enough to know that at the very least they can donate ten bucks to the cause. And yet, none have.

We can all talk about wanting to be God-honoring, thanking Him for our blessings, asking Him for more, but when we cannot even take five minutes to scribble out a check for $10 to feed a community not just hungry for food but for Jesus Himself, we have lost focus on what is truly important.

I was not a VBS kid...

As I grew up, VBS was "vacation...beach...sun",  not "Vacation Bible School". As Cate attended VBS this week I was just not sure what to expect. She was nervous, I was nervous. WOW! What a week she had! Each day for a few hours Jesus, crafts, worship and play were all woven together.

Today, I had the opportunity to stay for a bit of the daily "Worship Rally". It was a fun time with God-honoring music; a presentation from now-grown former orphans from Maldovia, and pledges to not only our USA, but to our Christian Faith and the Word of the Lord. It was really impressive given more than 700 kids were part of it all!

And there, I sat with tears just swelling. I did not have such an opportunity as a kid. I grew up pretty much a-religious. Our best exposure was to Judaism through my dad's side of the family. My dad had little interest in his faith, so we did not attend services and only really learned about that faith while at my aunts' home for Friday Shabot dinner and holidays. A girl with a non-Jewish mom is not wholly recognized as being Jewish. Our only Christian influence was celebrating Easter and Christmas, but pretty much as secular as you can get. I did not meet Christ until I was an adult.

I can certainly look back and see times when He was clearly with me, I just did not know Him to see Him. I can look back and see the friends who simply planted little seeds of faith in me without me even knowing it.

I have always had a pretty good moral compass. I was a good kid. I have a heart for others. In college, I got in some trouble with my parents because while home during a particularly cold winter break I packed up just about every warm thing in the house and took them to a park downtown where the homeless gathered. In hindsight, it was not the safest thing for me to do, but I was more concerned about these folks being warm than me being safe.

I am thankful for the path the Lord had me on. I can relate to non-believers very well because in my life I had some well-meaning Christians try to tell me about Christ,  but did it in such a way that it was a turn-off (note to any Christians out there, never tell a non-believing teenager that she might as well have horns coming from her head if she does not accept Jesus on the spot.) I had life-experiences that clearly shaped who I am. Without such experiences, I would not have as much a witness to the life I let die to become alive in Jesus. 

It is hard for me not to compare Cate to myself. We look alike. We act alike. She really is a mini-version of me. Today, watching her respond to the name of Jesus with such excitement made me weep for joy. The Lord makes it clear that our children are not ours. They are His. He asks us to raise them up to be His arrows to this world. Today, I realized we are doing that. And, I realized in doing so, we may well be raising a little arrow who goes far from us to do His work. How that makes me sad and happy all at once. I look at her and think, "if I did so many things with others needs first not knowing Christ, how much more will she knowing Him?".  I cannot wait to see. 

Fresh Tomato Sauce Recipe

Am I the only one having the post-July 4th Weekend let-down?! It was such a fun-filled few days with our family and friends. I love the most that we get an extra day with Grant home on holiday weekends. Sigh. I would only want to win the lottery so that my husband could spend his days home with us.

Anyway...I came home from a visit with family with a good amount of home-grown tomatoes.  We can only eat so many, so I decided to make a simple sauce to freeze. I kept it basic so it can be used as a good base for tomato recipes but also wanted it yummy as it is.

Here is what I did with guesstimated quantities (I really should pay more attention as I go...). 

Fresh Tomato Sauce

5 - 6 large red tomatoes, cut into large chunks
pint of grape tomatoes
1/4 Vidallia onion
3 -4 whole garlic cloves
big pinch of kosher salt
few grinds of black pepper
olive oil
1 cup fresh basil leaves

In a large sauce pan, cover bottom with olive oil. Add all ingredients except basil and one tomato to pan. Allow to come up to a boil and then place in a 325 degree oven. Allow to roast for 90 minutes. The sauce will be very watery at this point.

Place pan on the stove uncovered and bring to a boil and then simmer for 20 minutes until much of the water is gone.

Place the fresh tomato and basil in the blender. Add the cooked tomato mixture. Blend until desired consistency. I personally like it with a little texture to it and not all the way smooth. Taste and adjust the salt and pepper as you like it. I keep this slightly less seasoned so I can add to it when I use it from the freezer.

From here you can use it just as it is. I like to freeze it in one cup quantities so I have easy access to sauce when I need it. You may also jar it like you would any preserves (I would if I had enough lids on hand today).

Enjoy!

Tomato-Zucchini Tart

Here is a recipe from yesterday's meal ideas post. This is from Southern Living, August 2007. I have not made it yet, but it sounds pretty simple and yummy. I think you could substitute other veggies as well.

Tomato-Zucchini Tart

1 9-inch pie crust (homemade or store bought)
1 medium zucchini, thinly sliced
2 tsp. olive oil
3 medium tomatoes, sliced
1/2 cup fresh basil, chopped
1/3 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
1/3 cup mayonnaise
1/2 tsp pepper

Fit pie crust into 9-inch tart pan, prick bottom and sides with a fork. Bake at 450 degrees for 9 - 11 minutes, until lightly browned. Allow to cool.

Saute zucchini in hot oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat until tender. Arrange on bottom of pit crust. Arrange tomatoes on top of zucchini. (I am going to salt and lay the tomatoes on paper towels for a few minutes to get some of the moisture out before doing this so it does not put too much water into the tart.).

Stir together the basil, cheese and mayo. Drop by spoonfuls on top of tomatoes and then gently spread. Sprinkle with pepper.

Bake at 425 degrees for 10 - 15 minutes, or until heated through and cheese melted.

A few meal ideas.

So often I see posts about people needing meal ideas. I plan for four to five meals each week by using one of my cookbooks or magazines. I do this while making my grocery list for the week.

I write my grocery list on one side of an envelope and the meals on the other side. I do this for a few reasons: it recycles some mail; it holds any coupons I need at the grocery store and I have it all in one place for the week so I have an easy go-to for the meal ideas.

I then grab my cookbook/magazine and just start flipping through it. This week, I took one of my Southern Living annuals and went from month to month looking at the "Healthy Living" recipes (we rather over-indulged on vacation, so some healthier fare is in order this week). I write the meal idea with the page number(s) on the back of the envelope and then add any items I will need from the grocery store to make it on the other side. It is really rather simple and about as organized as I can be. I do not really stick to a certain meal for what day. Instead, I just plan to have the ingredients on hand so when it is time to cook I am prepared. I also only plan for four or five because inevitably, we will have left-overs, Grant will have a last-minute dinner meeting, the kids only want mac and cheese or the lure of kids eat free at Earth Fare gets the best of me. In reality, I do not really have to cook seven days a week.

With a holiday weekend ahead, I know I will have to hit the grocery store again as we prepare for it. I just prefer to do that later in the week.

If you need some meal ideas, here is what I came up with this week:

Grilled Salmon over a white beans. Greek salad.

Oven-fried chicken with mashed potatoes and broccoli salad.

Roast beef sandwiches with horseradish cream cheese, avocado and lettuce. Sweet potato fries and cantaloup (I have concluded that I just cannot home-bake good sweet potato fries, so I buy them now. Tonight we had sweet potato tots - very yummy! And...the melon came from a road side stand on our way home Saturday for only a buck! Local and cheap.)

Grilled chicken with a zucchini and tomato tart and cornmeal biscuits. 

I hope this helps! I know that sometimes I feel like I am totally blank when it comes to feeding our family. I just have to remind myself that it does not always have to be fancy and that sometimes less is more when offering the kids new foods.

Happy Cooking!

The Big Reunion

So, I went to my high school reunion last weekend. It was just what I expected.  I cannot believe I was the least bit insecure over that one particular person. It was not an issue in the least. I will not be attending anymore reunions.

What struck me as so sad about this reunion is just how false social networking has made friendships. If you go to my Facebook page you will see I have around 275 "friends". I realized after being face-to-face with some of them last weekend is that "friend" is just not the right term for many on that list. The reality was that when suddenly facing each other, it was awkward. We only know each other for the extend we post to that site. And, for some, the exchange in person was so brief it was almost embarrassing to have been excited to see that person because it seemed we had a genuine friendship. I realized that computer keys just cannot replace personal interaction, be it face-to-face or by phone (maybe by email, but even that can be so one-sided these days).  I won't be dropping Facebook as I do genuinely enjoy keeping up with a few folks that way, but I certainly will not be putting much energy into any relationships that exist solely on that site. I will instead, be sure that I am making efforts towards real friendships.

A few notes from the whole reunion experience: It was too expensive. Clicks from high school remain twenty years later. The sweet girls are still sweet. The party-ers are still party-ers. Some person brought her mom....in a hover craft. Some folks look exactly the same. For others, time has not been as kind. It was fun to see some old friends. It was fun to see who they married. I acted like I knew a few folks while I had no clue who they were. It was all I could do not to do "rabbit ears" behind that particular person during the big class photo. I was shocked to see people still smoking. With the exception of a couple, I will not see those people again in my life. We left without saying "good-bye" to anyone.

Am I 38 or 18???

Do you have someone in your life, your past, that the mere mention of them makes you insecure and uncomfortable? I do. It's someone I have known for years and years. We were friends at one point, and then something high school-like happened and we weren't. After college, a weird set of circumstances had us indirectly involved in each others lives. I can look back now and see how immature we all were and how very un-Christ-like the whole situation was.

I am thankful for that whole experience. I learned so much about myself and it was the tipping point for me to see I needed to make some serious changes to my behavior. It started my seeking of Christ. What was hurtful about the whole situation is I lost a friend and was being judged as a person I truly am not. It makes my heart race to know someone out there thinks I am a different person than I actually am.

Fast forward thirteen years...I will be face to face with this person this weekend at our high school reunion. I was feeling great about this whole reunion business. I can walk in with my head held high. After twenty years, I have a beautiful, God-filled life. However, for a few of those twenty years, that was not the case. Unfortunately, this person only knows me for those years. So, I find myself so insecure walking in now. It's not an insecurity of how I look or what I have. It's an insecurity that comes from feeling like I am thought to be someone I really am not. I feel like my character took a major hit all those years ago and it still lingers.

I am sure I am putting far more thought into this than the other person. A dear friend of mine, who was part of the whole situation, just reminded me that she is probably feeling equally as insecure and awkward as I am. I wonder if she is right?

Should make for an interesting Reunion, huh!?

Vanity must be of the devil.

Vanity. Just the word makes me cringe a little. I would love to say that I am in no way a vain person, but I have realized I am fooling myself in thinking so. For those who know me personally, I think vanity is one of the last words they would use to describe me. I am rarely concerned with putting on make-up and could easily have lip balm and mascara as my only cosmetics. I dress more for form than function, though I do try to look "cute". The only time I really dress to impress is for date's with my husband. I dress for him and doll myself up in a special way just for him.

But, lately, I find myself quite focused on my body. I suddenly find myself thinking I should have my 18 year old body...the body that was still in the middle of puberty, had not yet bore a child, whose metabolism was ridiculously good, the body that had few responsibilities and ample time to exercise. The body that was somehow always tan, toned and perky where it needed to be.

Twenty years later this body has survived quite a bit, it had back surgery, carried and birthed two children, breastfed those two children, carried around those same kids, and is still recovering from a hysterectomy only a few months ago. It survives regular exercise. This body is in pretty good shape. Yet, I suddenly feel inadequate in it. Why???

In reality, my metabolism is actually pretty good. I am now back in the gym post-surgery and perform much of what I used to. I only weigh a few pounds more than my 18 year old body, and wear the same size. Yet, I seem to focus on the fluffy and droopy parts that were not fluffy or droopy twenty years ago. Why???

I find myself in the gym thinking I should look as tone and tight as the woman who is in there every (and I mean every!) time I get there and still at it when I leave. I sit around the pool and wonder how that woman has such flat abs, or that one has such perky boobs (and honestly, I know why some of them are so perky...it's called a good surgeon). I suddenly find myself reaching for my cover-up, or dipping deeper into the water because if I am over here checking out their tone bodies, they are surely looking at me thinking they should slip me their trainer or surgeon's phone number. Why???

I am ashamed to tell you why. I have let myself buy into what the world thinks is healthy and pretty for a woman's body. I have bought into the world's idea that we should all have a tone and tight celebrity body after having children. Years ago Sarah Jessica Parker was interviewed after having her twins. She looked very thin and toned. She was asked about how she got into shape so quickly. I loved her answer that she was in shape because her job demanded her to be in shape, so after having her babies she hired a nanny and a trainer.

My job is not to be in shape, or even look good in a bathing suit. My job is take care of this body so it is best able to take care of our family. My job is to honor the body the Lord gave me.

My job is to look to the Lord for the definition of beauty. Upon a quick review I cannot seem to find "tone, "tight", "flat abs" or "perky boobs" anywhere in the Bible. I take that to mean the Lord just does not find any of that important to the beauty of the women He creates. Instead, I find the words: "inner self"; "gentle and quiet spirit"; "submissive"; "clothed with strength and dignity". The Lord even says that "beauty is fleeting". To the Lord, beauty is all about our heart. And, if you asked my husband, he would rather my heart be beautiful in God's way, than for me to feel inadequate because my outside is a little saggy.

So today, I pray that I will stop trying to compare my outward beauty to what the world says it should be. I pray I will take what the Lord finds beautiful and let that be what I work out.

With this, if you see me at the pool or at our reunion in a couple of weeks, just ignore these poor droopy boobs and little belly. Know that those both came as a result of the two children splashing next to me (and the fact, that as much as I love to cook, I love to eat what I make). I would not trade those two for my 18 year old body on any day.

When Prayers are answered...I think we should share.

On my very first blog I wrote about the conviction we felt about our finances and expanding our family through adoption. I told you about how we prayed over two jars: one was in our car we decided to sell; the other with our cut-up credit cards.

I think often we ask for prayer from others, but then fail to share the praise when the prayer is answered. With that, I want to share about one of our answered prayers. I do not share so we can take credit for what has happened, but fully so the Lord gets the praise and glory for blessing us.

Sometimes we take prayer as a way to give the Lord our "wish list" for the things we want. I am striving (with some success and some absolute failure) to let my prayers to the Lord be honest, heart-felt and about far more than "stuff" but instead about changing my heart to be more like His; to lift up others; and to help me focus on His way of providing blessings. When my prayers focus on the shiny, new "something", they just become about wanting something from this world; short-changing the glorious plans the Lord has.

Last weekend the Lord took care of one of our jars. We prayed over the jar in the front seat of the car as we made the final decision to sell it. We prayed for the Lord to not just sell it, but to please over-flow the jar. We had honest wants for the over-flow and included that in our prayer to the Lord. (You have to be honest with your prayers anyway because He already knows what is in your heart.) After that, we made some effort to sell it with a false sense that poof! the Lord was just going to send someone to buy it. So, after a few days, we put it on Auto Trader. I think even then we thought ten minutes after posting it that a seller was going to be calling.

I found myself a couple of days later feeling very disappointed because not a single person had an interest in our car posting. I had a great pity party about poor me driving the old wagon while the nicer, newer SUV sat unwanted. Oh, and let me pat myself on the back for a moment or two while driving the wagon because I am so righteous to have made such a choice. HA! I am sure the Lord was just shaking His head at my heart that day in particular.

Fast forward a couple more days...thankfully, my heart had softened back to the reality of what the Lord wanted and just why we had committed to selling the SUV. I actually left town for a couple of days with no real thought to the fact that someone may just call about the car posting.

Long story short, all of a sudden I had an inbox full of emails with interest in the car, most wondering why I had not returned their phone call with hopes the car was not already sold. It was so encouraging! In the end, a very nice couple drove three hours from Georgia to look at our car. Upon test driving it (with our jar obviously in the front seat cup holder), we came inside to negotiate the sale.

I tell you this next part not to glorify "us" or boost about what "great Christians" we are, but to encourage you to never be shy about your faith. I personally struggle with that sometimes not wanting to offend someone, make them uncomfortable, etc. but I am learning (slowly some days) that by using those excuses I am really just denying Jesus at the very times He wants me to be sharing Him the most.

The couple started the negotiations with a comment about realizing that Grant and I are a "nice Christian couple". A comment like that makes my heart skip a bit because I pray that when I meet new people that the Lord's shine will be upon me...that my words and actions make me a Christian, not my actually having to tell someone I am. This lead to a question about the jar in the car. I could not tell them the story fast enough. I loved that I had a chance to share with them an example of our faith in Christ to sell that car.

And, here, were our buyers. A week after posting it on Auto Trader and here sit two people from a very small town in Georgia ready and willing to buy our car. We knew then our jar was filled. The couple paid more for the car than they had originally planned. They told us directly that our faith is what encouraged them to do so. I can tell you that the Lord did not only fill that jar, but allowed it to overflow.

I encourage you...if you have some jars that need to be prayed over, do it tonight. Let the Lord show you just how He blesses those who find their faith in Him. While I am certainly thankful for the Lord selling our car and blessing us with a little extra, I am most, most thankful that we were able to just let Him handle it. I am so thankful that when my sinful self was not so sure I really wanted to sell that car He intervened in my heart  to see His path.  (I should add that this came through my dear husband's words and patience as I had a complete breakdown over it just hours before the couple was to arrive.)

Know that your example may well impact the most vulnerable little hearts around. If you have a children, such acts are being watched by them. We were very open with our kids about the jars and selling the car. Days after selling the car, our daughter asked me about the jar because she wanted to see just how much money God put in it. It was such a great opportunity to talk with her about the heart of God and how He had not just blessed our family with that one thing, but does it every day in both big and small ways.

I pray you see Him through such eyes too.

Sweet Treat Friday

Happy Friday! To cut back on baking (and to attempt to curb my sweet tooth) I now only bake on Friday afternoons. I make something yummy for us to enjoy through the weekend. Because I have cut back so much, I do not feel guilty for using whole, pure ingredients. I do not try to cut back the sugar or substitute the flour for whole wheat, or even sneak something healthy, like flax seed, into the weekend treat. Instead, I let it be pure yumminess!

This weekend's sweet treat is...Fudge-y Marshmallow-y Chocolatey Brownies. They are still cooling, but I am just about positive these treats are going to be pretty stinkin' good!

Brownies

7 ounces chocolate chips (I had a mix of milk, bitter and semi-sweet)
8 ounces unsalted butter, cut into four peices
3 Tbs cocoa powder
3 large eggs
1 1/4 cup sugar
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup all-purpose flour
25 large marshmallows

Chocolate Topping (make this while the brownies are baking)


1/4 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 Tbs light corn syrup
1 cup sugar
1/3 cup milk (I prefer whole)
1 Tbs unsalted butter

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease an 8 x 8 baking dish.

Put the chocolate chips in  a medium microwave safe bowl. Heat for 45 seconds in microwave. Stir and add butter pieces. Heat for 45 seconds. Stir. Repeat this until it is all melted together and smooth. (This can also be done in a double-broiler, but I think the microwave works just as well.) Stir in the cocoa powder until smooth. Set aside.

Whisk together the eggs, sugar, vanilla and salt until well combined. Whisk in the chocolate mixture until well combined. With a wooden spoon, stir in the flour until just combined. Pour into greased baking dish, smoothing out the top.

Bake 35 - 40 minutes, until slightly risen and a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean. Remove from oven and  immediately top with the marshmallows. Place back in over for one minute (heat turned off). Then, top with the chocolate topping. Allow to cool completely before slicing (this will take a while - at least two hours).

To make the chocolate topping: Combine all ingredients over medium heat, stirring constantly. Allow to come to a boil. Cook until the mixture reaches 235 - 240 degrees (soft ball stage on a candy thermometer). Remove from heat, and put into separate bowl so it can cool a bit before topping the marshmallows. It is okay if it is still pretty warm, though, as it will slightly melt the marshmallows, and harden as it cools.

Enjoy!

Recipe Time!

I often get asked for recipes for inexpensive cuts of meat. I buy a lot of cheap cuts of meat because it is important to me to buy good meat...meat without hormones, antibiotics and raised  humanely. This meat comes at a higher price so I often buy the less desired cut to save on our grocery bill. This was the case this week when I bought a pork roast for $2.99/lb - super cheap!

The key to cooking a tougher and sometimes not as flavorful piece of meat is braising. In reality, I really like to cook this way because once I have it going, I can leave it in the over for a couple of hours and not worry about it. Now, I detest the crock pot for some reason, but love this convenience. Go figure!

Here is what I did to the pork...and wow it was good! This would work well with beef  too, but may need a bit more cooking time.

Chopped Pork Tacos

1.25 lb. pork roast, cut into 1 -2 inch chunks
1/2 tsp. each: cumin, coriander, smoked paprika
1 tsp. kosher salt
1/4 tsp. ground pepper
1/4 c. onion, diced
1/4 c. green pepper, diced
1 garlic clove, crushed
3 tsp. vegetable oil
1/2 c. white wine or beer
1/2 c. water

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Heat 1 tsp. oil in  large, oven-safe pan. Place pork into a large plastic container. Add all the spices, salt, pepper and 2 tsp. oil. Seal container and shake until all pork is well coated.

When oil is shimmering in pan, place pork into it, careful not to over-crowd the pan. If need be, cook in two batches. Brown the pork on both sides. Add the onion, green pepper and garlic. Stir to mix and pour wine or beer and water over top. Gently scrape bottom of pan to de-glaze. Cover and bring to a simmer.

Place in oven, covered for 1 hour. Remove lid and cook for 30 minutes uncovered. Replace lid and cook additional 30 minutes. Remove from oven and allow to cool.

Once able to handle, remove pork and chop into bite sized pieces. Place back in pan and stir together with juices.

From here, move forward as you would if you were making any other tacos.

Enjoy!