Roaming like and Israelite...longing to be settled.

It's funny, we never really wanted to leave Jacksonville. But, at the time, Grant was doing marketing/sales for a private equity group. The economy was just starting to shift so they let him know that he should look for something else. That is when the Lord lead us to Monroeville, AL (Grant's hometown) in the most unlikely of ways. Grant was offered the job over his momma's fried chicken - no interview, just a conversation with the President of the organization over dinner. We moved there in an Uhaul in one of the toughest drives I have ever done - my hometown and everyone I loved the most, our church, our first house all in the rear-view mirror and a 21 month and 3 month old in the backseat. We pulled into Monroeville and that first night and next day I just sobbed. I remember vividly looking at Grant as I was unpacking clothes into my closet and telling him I wanted to go home. He cried with me. That was by far the toughest, yet most refining, 14 months I have experienced. No sooner had we gotten there did the economy tank. We ended up short-selling our Jacksonville home. Grant's salary was cut and he was advised about six months after that they could not afford his position long term. So, here we are, middle of a small town where we are very uncomfortable miles from home with two very young children wondering what in the world we were going to do. Had we misunderstood God's plans for us? 

That time did a few things for us. With no church home, we grew so close to the Lord because we had no choice but to depend upon Him and trust Him to provide and lead. Our marriage and family was strengthened because we only had each other. And, even though there were some extremely difficult moments, we were able to build a better relationship with Grant's family there. 

Grant's job was set to end. Things had not been handled very well by the leadership at the organization. Grant confided in a Godly man on the board who the Lord used to protect Grant's position and pay. But, it was miserable for Grant. One day, he stayed home to work, needing a break from all the drama going on at work. He came in from his office saying that someone from the Montgomery Chamber had called him and emailed him. He had no idea for what purpose. While he had sent resumes all over the place, he had not sent one there. That person calling was his next boss. 

The Lord opened the door to a great position in Montgomery that released us from what had become a very uncomfortable situation. We had prayed to be released from our situation but could not see the Lord at work. We could not get to Montgomery fast enough! 

The Lord blessed us this time with an actual moving budget so the fact that we had a moving company and not a UHaul felt like we had hit the lottery. He lead us to a beautiful home to lease in a lovely part of town. So, our journey in another new place began. We were content in Montgomery. It was not perfect and I am thankful we did not have to worry about public school while there. We made our best efforts to let it be home. About the time we starting looking to buy a home and really settle Grant felt like we were not actually going to be there long-term. He did not know why and was not looking to change jobs, but his Spirit told him to not look at real estate. 

A few months later the door to working at CSX opened. Grant did not pursue changing jobs. In fact, when he first told me about the opportunity to interview, I was less than thrilled. I needed some stability and not another move. Thankfully, the Lord intervened and opened my eyes to see that He had better things planned and I needed to trust my husband's leading. 

After months of interviewing he was hired. We prayed for the Lord to close this door if it was not His choice (and there were plenty of chances given the long interview process). And, so the Lord lead us to Nashville. 

We could not have asked for a better place to live. He lead us to the one rental home available in our desired school zone. An unlikely choice buried in the Craigslist ads. It is a less than desirable house given the work it needs but sits in a lovely neighborhood and allows Cate to attend a fabulous elementary school. 

We really felt like we had been called to the majors with this move. We had an actual relocation package!!! I cried when I read through it. Our first move had us (and awesome friends) packing a UHaul with two babies on my hip. This move had packers and a budget! 

I keep a loose journal. I write in it every so often about funny things the kids have done, random stories I think they will enjoy when they are older and prayers to the Lord. I read through it last night. One constant cry of mine is the longing to be settled. The longing to actually be able to put down some roots and let a place be home for a while. I want to decorate a home and nest in it.

I never prayed to move from Jacksonville. We had only prayed for the Lord to bless Grant with a job that would provide for our family. We have prayed for the Lord to expand our family through adoption. We have prayed the Lord to give us opportunity to witness to our unsaved family. But, never, had we prayed to leave Jacksonville. Yet, we are not there. Now, once in Monroeville, we certainly prayed to be released from living there. But, we had not prayed to leave Montgomery. And, we are definitely not praying to leave Brentwood. We are praying, though, to be just where the Lord wants us. 

When I read the story of Abraham and the sacrifice of Issac and read that the Lord used that lesson to prepare Abraham to be a father of all nations I see that He uses our circumstances to teach us the value of obedience. He allows us to grow in Him through our life situations. He let the Israelites roam for 40 years because they were not obedient (and quite whiny). Moses never stepped foot in the promised land because of a final act of disobedience. 

Some days, I feel like an Israelite. We have been roaming for more than four years. Is my heart complaining? Some days, it is. I long to be settled and I can look at the negatives of life and complain. Most days, I just thank the Lord for where He has us and hope I am doing His will. 

I wonder if our roaming days are not quite over? Once again we find ourselves in a place we would like to call home, but also feel like it may just be another stage in our life to be refined by the Lord. This may just be another time to grow deeper into a relationship with Him so we are prepared for what He is working on. Are we prepared to completely adjust our life to meet Him where He is already working? My selfish heart says "no". I love it here! Life here is easy. We have made some sweet friends. The weather is awesome. Cate's school is amazing. While not in much fellowship there, we are growing through the teaching at our church. Grant's job is secure, though we both do not like the amount of travel he must do. Walking our Faith is pretty comfortable here. 

So, I do not know where or even if the Lord will lead us next. But, I can say that the recurring theme of my prayers since leaving Jacksonville has been to be rooted in a community and to be used by the Lord. I look forward to when He allows that to happen. In the mean time, I will find my contentment in Him and allow Him to mold me as He needs to so I  am prepared for His work....wherever that may be. 

One ball of emotions this week...and some coconut candy.

Easter...I love it yet it causes me to be so emotional every year. As a youth I loved it because it meant dying eggs and hunting for them. Getting amazing goody baskets from my parents. My Grandma's coconut candies and peanut butter eggs.

Now, as an adult who knows Jesus, Easter is such an emotional time. I still relish in the fun of dying eggs, watching the kids hunt for them. I love making candy. I enjoy filling Easter baskets for the kids. But then, I hit an incredible sadness this week too. It is a strange mix of emotions. I am joyous...sad...guilty ...happy...I cannot quite explain it.I am joyous and beyond thankful that God has a plan for us (ALL of us) to save us from eternal hell. I am beyond sad that it came at the expense of His Son enduring what He did on the cross. This particular week always has me wanting to remember each day as it may have been during this week for Jesus.

On Palm Sunday, I picture the scene of Him riding on the donkey. His followers showering Him with their praises. I love when the pharisee tell Him to hush the praising people and He says, "If they don't, the stones will.". (Luke 19:40) And then, I think, are there times when rocks are having to sing His praises because I am too self-focused to be doing so?

Then, I realized a connection to stones today in 1 Peter 2:5. Jesus calls us his "living stones". He is our cornerstone and we are the stones of this spiritual house.  It made me wonder if Jesus was referring to literal stones and then other followers as stones too. As to say, if these folks were to be quiet, there are plenty more who will not be.

Through out this week, I think of His disciples and family. If I was one of them, how would I have reacted? I fear I may have been like Peter. That makes my heart sad. I pray that when I am faced with denying Christ for my own safety or standing for Him at the risk of my life I will boldly stand for my faith. Though, I do understand the disciples fleeing and resisting. Can you imagine how terrifying those few days had to be? How sad and confusing?

Tonight, is when I think everyone would have been coming together for their last Passover together. I find it so ironic that I have celebrated many Passovers as a Jew, and have great knowledge about the ritual of the meal. I am thankful for those nights because it gives me such an imagine of the dinner Jesus attended.

To think that this evening, in Jesus' time, He would be praying with blood dropping from his brow because He was faithful to His Father's plan. My husband made such a beautiful point about this moment. In the Garden of Eden Adam chose his will over God's; in the Garden of Gesthemine, Jesus chose God's will over His own.

I hope that thought stays with me....not my will, but the Lord's, in whatever I am doing.

I think in this current culture, violence has become so diluted. With this, I think what Jesus actually endured starting tomorrow morning in his time, seems to not be such a big deal. But, let's pause and really think of what He did endure even before having to carry His own cross. He was beaten so badly that He was not recognizable. Stop. Look at who is sitting next to you and imagine what he would have to go through for you to not recognize him. That thought makes my heart hurt. After that, he was forced to wear a crown of thorns and a robe. A crown of thorns. Next time you see a rose bush imagine those stems being crushed into your head. The robe. The pain that had to come when it was ripped off of him, as it surely was stuck to his bloodied body had to be excruciating. Add to this the fact that He was being ridiculed and the scene is horrible.

We seem to often gloss over the actual act of being nailed to a cross. Have you ever experienced nailing a large nail into a cross? I have. It was an exercise we did at our home church in Jacksonville. It is one I will never forget. It is difficult to drive a nail smoothly and with one blow into such a hard wood. We like to think it was not so bad because the nails were in His hands. Goodness, I cannot imagine the pain and the agony of such a slow process.

From there, Jesus was on his death bed for hours. He endured for hours because of US! I weep at that thought. He died a very painful death for me before I even knew Him...even mocked Him. I could throw up at the thought of knowing there was a time in my life when I thought Jesus was not one to be praised and worshiped but to be mocked. A time when I though anyone who followed Him was a fool.

But...thankfully, I will get to Sunday. I will find a triumphant JOY! I will find the foundation of my faith. I will find an empty tomb. If Jesus just died we would have no faith. He would have just been a prophet. How happy I am that He is not just some prophet!!! He was laid in a tomb a man, and rose from it our God! That, my friends, gives me chills! That is why all of my crazy emotions this week conclude with absolute praise and delight. That is why we have the opportunity to spend our eternity in Heaven...right there with Jesus.



Our Easter would not be complete without coconut candies. I used to make my Grandma's recipe. Today, however, I re-wrote the recipe. Gasp! Sorry, Grandma! This new recipe is so yummy!!! Here it is in case you want to make something special for the weekend. I will also be making Grandma's peanut butter eggs. 

Chocolate Covered Coconut Balls...or Coconut Cookies...you decide.

1/2 c. brown sugar
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/8 tsp salt
1/4 tsp baking powder
1 Tbs flour
1 egg, room temp

Mix all together until smooth. (This replaces 5 oz of condensed milk.)

Add to this:

2 c. powdered sugar
14 oz flaked coconut

Stir together until the sugar is melted and the coconut evenly coated.

From here, you can do one of two things.

Scope out even mounds (I use my smaller cookie scoop) and with damp hands roll into balls. Place in the refrigerator. Once hard and cool, cover in melted chocolate (your choice...I prefer dark chocolate).

Or...preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Gently press each mound so that if flattens to a disc. Bake for 8 - 10 minutes - until they are a bit bubbly and browned. Feel free to dip these in chocolate too!

Happy Easter, friends!