Last week, I was called a murderer.

Last week,  I was called a murderer. I am pretty sure I look and act nothing like one. I am a stay at home mom who is wholly devoted to her faith. I serve. I do carpool. I make pancakes shaped like kittens. I enjoy snuggling in and laughing with my husband. I play with our puppy. But, to this person, I should wear a sign that says, "murderer". I should wear it because I had an abortion.

Like so many of the times I pull down the curtains to what makes me me, my hands are shaking as I type this. I know that some of you are going to read this and just move along with no sense of judgement. Maybe some surprise. But, I know that some are going to read this and stand by the murderer label you think I deserve.

At the time of my decision, I was a mess of a young lady who looked put together on the outside but was a depressed wreck on the inside. I did not see life within me, but just a biological speck. I was scared. I felt alone. I felt like my only choice was to not stay pregnant. I was not facing an abortion as a means to end a life but to make living mine bearable. The women who cared for me at the clinic were nothing but compassionate. I do not think they went to work that morning thinking they were murdering babies, but instead protecting young scared women from a great unknown.

If I just ended my pregnancy, very few would even know. If I chose to remain pregnant I would carry a very visible marker. One that comes with judgement. I did have other options, but none that would allow me to deal with my own shame and guilt without judging eyes.

You may call me a murderer now and if I had carried the pregnancy you would have called me a slut. Either we support single moms without shaming them, or we let them make a personal and quiet choice. We cannot have it both ways. If you are crying out that someone who has an abortion is a murderer, are you also reaching out a hand to support a single mother who chose otherwise? Are you opening your home to adopt a child who was carried instead of aborted? If not, then this is not your place for opinion.

When Grant and I dated we chose upfront to tell our "sad stories" and this is one I told him without hesitation but with a helpless feeling that it would make me too damaged for him. Ever the man after God's heart, Grant did not see damaged, but wounded and beloved in me. It was the first time that I allowed myself to believe that God saw me the same way. Forgiven.

Truly, when we did marry, I thought getting pregnant was going to be very tough, if not impossible because surely God would punish me for ending a previous pregnancy. Oh how His mercy came quickly! It was in the silent and thankful tears over those two little pink lines that He reminded me that He does not hold grudges. He does not keep score. He simply forgives at our repentance. He loves first and them encourages our obedience to His ways. It is never the other way around with Jesus. Can I tell you how thankful I am for that!? If I had to correct my sins before He loved me I would be without Him. You would be without Him. Can any of us take back our sins? No. We can ask for forgiveness for them. We can use them as part of our testimony to the goodness of God. But, we cannot ever make someone feel judged for her own sin. We cannot let her think that her sin is bigger than our own.

So, if you are a Christian, will you please take a step back and remember just Who Jesus is and how He treats people. He loves first and then corrects. And, when He does, it is directly to the person. It is not in off-handed social media comments or thinly veiled status updates and shared blogs. It is through a relationship. He puts Himself in situations to be with people who need Him. While on earth, He easily could have stood within a tower and shouted down His commands with judgement. But instead, He got His hands dirty. He built relationships with people who sinned. He was friends with the very people who needed Him the most, the people the rest of society and religious leaders thought best to ignore. I encourage you to do a gut-check. Are you really being like Jesus? Do you need Him to come and draw a line in the sand and ask you to toss the first stone? There are a lot of stones being tossed out there today. Yet, there are still a bunch of sinners with planks in their eyes. The planks are just labeled differently.

If you are crying foul over gay marriage, do you have any relationships with gay people? Or, are you just typing out your opinion and commenting on blogs from behind a screen? If you are crying murderer to those who have had an abortion, have you built a relationship with a woman who needs support because she did not have one? Or, are you typing out your judgement on her?

Let's become Christians who start to actually live like Jesus did! Let's hold onto Him and His ways AND love those who do not. Let's face it, why would anyone who does not currently have a relationship with Jesus want anything to do with Him if the only thing he sees and hears from His followers is disgust followed by judgement? Trust me, if how I felt last week, knowing I am beloved and forgiven, is any indication of how a non-believer feels when seeing what some fellow Christians put out there, than we have a very long way to go in re-building our relationship with the lost in our world.

If you are carrying around a choice or sin that you think leaves you marked by society, damaged or unloved, please please please know that you are every bit as worthy and beloved by God. He does not put sins into little categories with some being unforgivable. As much as judgmental people want you to believe otherwise, sin is sin. Period. The plank in my eye is neither bigger or smaller than the one in yours. And, thankfully, Jesus died to cover us both in forgiveness all the same.

I am sinner.  I am beloved and forgiven. I have been forgiven much so my grace and mercy needs to overflow. Will you please join me?

PS: This is not a piece for debating pro-choice/life or marriage. If you do want to talk about those things or other "dividers" in our culture, let's have coffee and talk through our thoughts. We may leave in disagreement but hopefully with a relationship in tact in spite of our differences.